god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
