so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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