I am puke
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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