yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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