Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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