I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
