please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
