3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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