Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
