I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
