Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
not ubering you a puppy
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