Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
