I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
