We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
