dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
