nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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