i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
why is half of my head shaved?
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