ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
