I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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