How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
