just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
