Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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