we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
