never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
