Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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