there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
