please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
