im drinking this country out of the recession.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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