Who wears a wallet chain?!
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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