A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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