if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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