I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
