I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
