like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
