I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
