What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
dude. I can hear the air.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
