i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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