Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
