I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
