Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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