the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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