i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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