It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
