I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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