uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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