my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
