I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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