my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
