Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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