we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
