it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Randomize
