no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
