32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
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He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
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I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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