Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
i think my cat just said my name.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
