You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
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theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
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New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Randomize