forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
