I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
