Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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