haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
