how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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