grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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