Heybabeimwearingurpanties
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
