I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Four minutes until I can fart!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
