; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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