Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
