.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
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I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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