Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It's just like the Real World with babies
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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