I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
