Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
