I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
