Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is classic penis vs brain.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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