Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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