So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
