The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
