ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.