How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
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The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
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Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...