OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
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Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
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I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.