I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now