I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
