If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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