its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
