he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
