every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
