i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
