wakey wakey hands off snakey
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
