I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
