Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
