Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
