I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
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My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
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I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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