TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
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You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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