how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize